Public Radio Slave

Welkcome to Public Radio

 A caller...

"Hello, I hope you are able to help me. I am having a problem with my mother. I am really tired of her constantly listening to Lawrence Welk. Day and night. I would like her to start listening to public radio instead. How should I go about this?

"I could send your mom one of our program guides. Maybe she would find something that sounds interesting."

"After daddy died ten years ago, she really started amping up her Lawrence Welk listening. I can't deal with it anymore. You really need to help me.  I mean this woman lived through the Depression."

"Okay."

"So you'll do it?"

"Yes, I will send her a program guide. I cannot guarantee that she will become a listener."

"My four sisters and I would really appreciate this. I live out of town but I will call and check back on the progress you are making."

I accepted the challenge, I guess. Now I have to go over to this poor woman's house,  ducttape head phones on her, and force her to listen to Garrison Keillor until she renounces Mr. Welk.

Where is Santa?

 A phone call...

"Hi, I was wondering if it was too early for you to play me some Christmas music? I have a song I really want to hear."

I should have just said "Yes, lady it is way too damn early." But, instead I tried to explain to her that we carry a broad range of news programs, classical, jazz, World Cafe, and that during the holidays we do play a wide range of seasonal music, but these are programs we purchase, so we cannot take requests.

"How about you just make me a tape with the song on it that I like?"

Again with the mix tapes.  How about I talk to the program director to see if we can put together a special "Christmas in March" program for you? Or, maybe I can get Johnny Mathis to come to your house and sing you your treasured Christmas carol.

Another Birthday Ruined....

 "I was trying to enjoy a BBC story at about 4:08 this morning and suddenly the story just stopped and some horrible music came on."

"Well, we are working with a new program during our overnight automation and that may have caused the problem. I am very sorry that you were not able to finish listening to the program."

"It's my birthday, it is MY BIRTHDAY, and you have ruined it. I just wanted to let you know that, that YOU have ruined my birthday."

Happy Birthday crazy guy who listens to the radio at 4AM! You tried to ruin my day by screaming at me, but in reality you just ruined your own birthday a little bit more.  Now go eat that entire cake by yourself alone in your basement!

Don't Forget To Tape My Show!

 A loyal listener..

"Hi, I won't be able to listen to Fresh Air tonight because of a school play one of my kids is in. I was wondering if you could tape it for me?"

"Well, actually you can go online to NPR.org and listen to the program yourself after it has aired."

I know this woman really wanted me to spend my evening making her a Fresh Air mix tape, but I really am just backlogged making mix tapes for all the Prairie Home Companion fans who chose to watch the game on Saturday instead of listening to the show.  I wonder how many idiots call up ABC to see if someone will tape Lost for them?